That may sound like an odd title, but it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Why is it so difficult to just be the people that we were created to be? I think that life gets in the way. Our experiences, and the meanings that we ascribe to them, tell us that we aren’t good enough to do what it is we were made for, so we try to do anything else and end up hiding from who we really are, or is it just me that does that?

That is my very first camera that I’m holding in my hand. It was a 110, I took it everywhere.

When I went to college, my parents wanted me to major in something that had a “future” as far as a career was concerned. All I wanted to major in was Photography. They were certain that photography was only a hobby and that I needed to major in something that would give me a career to, “fall back on”, when I inevitably failed to support myself with my photographic endeavors. I did try to honor their desire. I took all kinds of classes in attempts to find a major that I would like enough to stick with for the rest of my life, I failed, only photography inspired me.

After several years of unsuccessfully searching for an acceptable major, my parents finally conceded and allowed me to major in Photography. To their dismay, my college, the University of Arizona, did not offer a major in what they would have almost considered a career worthy choice in the area of photography. There was no Photo Journalism major, no Commercial Photography, etc. There was only Studio Arts with an emphasis in Photography, so that is what I majored in. I LOVED it! I was still constantly assured that I would never make a living from it (not just by my parents), and sadly, I believed that.

Since the major was Studio Arts, I had all sorts of art classes: Painting, Fibers (basically weaving- but not baskets and not underwater), charcoal drawing, jewelry making, graphic design, video, and even a voice class. The photography classes were my favorites, of course, but every other art class taught me something that would take me deeper in my craft, and gave me skills that I would apply later in life, when making digital art (something that was just coming into existence when I was in college). I was actually in the college’s first ever Digital Photography class.

Me with my favorite Painting/Drawing professor, Barbara Rogers

Me with my favorite Photography professor, Harold Jones

The images behind us are my final project from my Digital Photography class

I was never the best artist in my classes but I was REALLY good at comparing myself to everyone else and finding myself to be much less talented. I questioned whether I could ever make a living in any realm of photography, because I wasn’t the “best”, whatever that means. I didn’t realize at the time what a subjective title that is, only that I fell short of thinking it could belong to me.

I decided early on that I would never be able to make a living as an artist. Beliefs are SUCH powerful things! I spent years finding proof to back up that belief, and yet, I kept feeling called back to making artwork. Artwork that I believed would never mean anything to anyone but myself, and that would certainly never sell. What’s amazing is that even with that strong negative belief, some of it did sell. I even had a few solo art shows, and participated in several other juried shows as well. It is crazy to look back now, as I type this and see that there was some success even with my strong, negative mindset.

I decided to use my photography skills to make money, instead of using them to create artwork. I did this by taking portraits, photographing weddings, dance recitals, events, births, and the list goes on. Those are all things that I still love and will continue to do, I even put my artistic skills to use when doing them, but the difference now is that I feel called back to being an artist instead of just a photographer. I have decided to follow that call, make the artwork that I feel God leading me to make, and to be brave enough to put it all out there, the artwork and my thoughts behind it. It’s a vulnerable decision and even as I type this, I’m hoping that I stay brave enough to see it through. I hope you will join me on this journey to discover myself, the me I was created to be, and I hope that it is a blessing to you, in that you also give yourself permission to become the You that God created you to be.

My goal is to send out a once a month newsletter and also to get back to my blog. The newsletter will mostly be a month end summary, and I’m hoping to post more often on the blog. Both will start with this message though.

In September, I created and uploaded this piece to my FineArt America site, it was the first piece I’d uploaded in a little over a year!

Since then, over the month of October, I’ve completed and uploaded 34 more images and pieces of artwork, mostly from images that I recently took in Sedona, Arizona. I hope you will take some time to browse the galleries, remember to read the captions! Prints and products may also be purchased there: https://inthelight.pixels.com/

I will post more of the individual works of art and the stories behind them in upcoming blogs.

Thank you for taking time out to read this today and to join me in this journey of becoming an artist.

For those of you looking for a quote from one of my kids, here you go...  The other day, my 13 year old son thought that I walked out of his hug a bit too soon.  He said, "Mom, you know, there are sons that don't give hugs to their mothers."  He, of course, got a much longer hug with that reminder that I am blessed to have such an affectionate son.

Jeanette Brown

In the Light Photography